“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” - Brene Brown


Boundaries are a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends. In this way, boundaries are a form of self respect; they help us identify our individualism and establish our own identity. 

Boundaries can also be seen as the way we teach others to respect our energy, or a personal clear limit for how we allow others to behave towards us. We can set boundaries with time, physical space, conversations, relationships, content, and even ourselves. Some examples include:


Having friendships as adults is hard - matching up your schedules, facing a commute, putting off laundry and your other 50 to do list tasks for a happy hour date can be overwhelming. Sometimes, turning down an invite can be a healthy boundary for us to make sure we take care of ourselves first. Our suggestions: be gracious, politely decline, and work through the discomfort. “I heard that restaurant is great! Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it this time but I hope you have an amazing time.”


We all know traffic can really dictate our schedules for us. Setting boundaries to respect everyone’s time can be as simple as, “If you are going to be late, please text me to let me know.”


Especially with Thanksgiving coming up, setting boundaries around inappropriate conversation topics or emotional dumping can ensure you don’t get roped into unwanted table conversation. Try something like, “this isn’t a topic I’m willing to discuss” or “I respect that you disagree with my opinion, but you don’t need to force your own.”

Now, like any proper self-care, boundaries are a skill, not a trait. They take work and can morph and change over time as we grow, become more comfortable with ourselves, or forge healthier self identities. It’s important to remember that boundaries are as unique as the person setting them. Everyone will have a different limit. You don’t need to have the same boundary as someone else to make sure both of yours are respected. And you don’t need to have the same boundary because that’s what is right for them. If it’s not right for you, leave it at the door. 


Since boundaries come in all shapes and sizes, there are varying approaches for learning to set boundaries. Here is a general take that works for us:

    What is most important to you? Have a clear understanding of where you stand so you can begin to name your limits.

    This is where some honest self reflection is going to come in. Tune into how you feel when a boundary is pushed or respected. Sometimes, when others actions bring up discomfort or resentment for ourselves, it can be an indicator that we need to redefine a boundary.

    Once you’ve identified where you want to make the boundary, the hard part can be how to implement it. Each situation is different but in general you want to: be respectful, be direct (and even assertive), and start small. It can take practice! You may find it helpful to start with a smaller boundary that isn’t threatening to you for practice.

    Check in with friends you trust, a support group, a therapist, your mom - anyone who will respectfully and thoughtfully engage in a conversation about boundaries with you. Or make it a challenge! Hold each other accountable for practicing boundary settings together with an accountability-buddy.

Cite your sources

We’re all about finding the tools for you but you have to put them in your own toolbox.

Do your own research! Start here.


Great Self Care + Setting Healthy Boundaries.


10 Ways To Build & Preserve Better Boundaries.


What Are Personal Boundaries & How Do I Get Some.


How To Set Boundaries.