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How To Accept The Tough Shit    

How To Accept The Tough Shit

BY SCOUT SCOBEL

I sat on her couch, my chest boiling into an expanded vessel whose capacity was being tested. You see, for the past ten years I have been fighting. Fighting against, fighting with, fighting for my bipolar disorder. It has been a treacherous road filled with anxiety, depression, hypomania, catatonia, psychosis, nightmares, and suicidal ideation. It has stripped me of experiences, moments, and good memories and it has plagued my days with a negativity that is thick and troubling. 

I sat on her couch, my body tense asking questions like - “Why me?” and “Will my life be forever ruined by this disease?” I don’t remember what she said or how she said it or if I had heard it before but suddenly, I began to cry. The type of crying that happens when you release trauma, spoiled energy, the toxicity that sits at the bottom of your sacrum. I surrendered into a state of acceptance. 

When you surrender into your reality, you accept that this is, put simply, what it is. And when you recognize that this is what it is, you can work towards making that reality a stronger, better, more positive experience. 

When you surrender into your reality, you accept that this is, put simply, what it is. And when you recognize that this is what it is, you can work towards making that reality a stronger, better, more positive experience. 

But first, you have to surrender. 

When I surrendered that day, in my therapist’s office, my body and my mind stopped fighting. The war was over. I was free to live with bipolar disorder and to live without it. I was free to design my future and work on my mental strength. I was free from bipolar disorder dictating my life because I accepted, with every fiber in my being, that I have a disease that has plagued and will plague my life. But now? Now, I get to do something about it. 

Acceptance - pure and true acceptance - has changed my life in so many colorful ways. Long are the days where I play the victim, now I just play the active creator of my life. When my bipolar disorder comes to visit, I greet it at the door, say hello, and then escort it out once it has had its time with me. I have learned to love my life so deeply - every aspect, positive or negative, that has sculpted me into what I am today - a business owner with Scout’s Agency, a podcaster with my sister at Okay Sis, and a solo host with SCOUT Podcast, and a wife. I accept my life exactly where it is so that I can love it for how it prepares me, challenges me, and nurtures me. 

Ed Mylett says life happens FOR us, not TO us. If you can accept that everything good or bad, challenging or exciting is happening for you and not to you, life expands and opens up into a beautiful game of love, growth, and imagination. 

Today, I accept that I live with bipolar disorder. Through acceptance, I even had the realization of why I live with bipolar disorder. I live with bipolar disorder so that I can have an emotional inner compass that alerts me when something is in alignment and when something is not. I live with bipolar disorder so that I could feel what true love and fulfillment really feel like on a cellular level. I live with bipolar disorder so that I can be mentally strong to design the life I want and then have the guts to go after it. 

I accept my bipolar disorder because it brought me right here, right now, to this moment. And god damnit, this moment is good.

Scout Sobel, Okay Sis Podcast

@ScoutSobel @OkaySisPodcast